Friday, May 18, 2012

Don't Cry Daddy's Here

Don’t Cry Daddy’s Here
Parents are supposed to love and nurture their children. Parents are supposed to hug and envelope their children in their arms when they are afraid or scared. Parents are supposed to care for their children and keep them from harm. But, some are unfeeling, cruel and inflict not only physical but emotional pain on their children for the sheer joy of it, the anger they possess in their hearts from their own failures, or because someone hurt them. Brinda Carey, in her emotional memoir Don’t Cry Daddy’s Here, brings to light what happens when parents take on the role of tormenter, abuser and manipulator. In her own words she tells this story from the heart allowing the reader to experience what horrors she endured. Hopefully by the time you finish reading this book you too will become more aware of the signs of abuse, how to prevent it and learn the resources available to anyone that has fallen victim to a father and mother like Brinda’s.

Beginning with a Prevention Checklist and continuing with the possible signs of sexual abuse the author provides valuable information to teachers, counselors, parents, friends, children, teens, relatives and clergy. Reporting abuse is hard not reporting it is wrong.  She follows this was The Incest Survivor’s Aftereffects Checklist which provides the definition of the word incest, what happens to the victim and how it affects his/her emotional and physical state and well being. “New York Women Against Rape, as well as extensive observations of communication with survivors” base the checklist on an original list. From fear of being alone in the dark, to phobias, panic and anxiety this checklist is all encompassing.

Brinda shares her story beginning with the loss of her son at the age of 16. Her painful memories are vividly described as she shares the experience with readers. Losing a child is devastating at any age. Realizing from the moment she gave birth to him that he was not crying the fear and sadness in her heart cannot even be described. The painful memories flood back as she recounts her early childhood and we take the trip back in time to where it all began. Memories of our childhood should be positive. Memoires of spending time with our parents and siblings should be happy ones. Author Brinda Carey shares her memories and the horrors that she endured in Don’t Cry Daddy’s Here. Take a trip back to 1964 where it all began and a four-year-old child named Brinda. All too often parents who were abused as children do the same to their children. Some follow the same path as their parents and their children suffer the same way they did. Sexually abused by her stepfather before her grandfather took matters into his own hands, her mother was abandoned by her father who started a new life with someone else. Meeting her father at the age of 13, Brinda’s parents married as teens. Escaping one life and falling into another without thinking of the consequences and responsibilities involved in raising a family or even just being married. Her father was in the army and when he finally came home he went into farming. Life was not always awful. She remembers spending time with her father plowing a row and climbing aboard the huge tractor. Other memories of her father telling them stories at the dinner table and the poems that was funny allowed her to feel loved even for a short time. Every little girl should love their Daddy and want him all to herself. So, when her father gook her to see her brother in the hospital she was elated. But, before going what happens will bring chills down your spine as this father turns the tables on Brinda in a way you would never expect any parent would. Next we meet Brinda in 1966 when her father continues his to fondle her and what happens makes her feel ashamed. The reoccurring dreams run through her mind until today. Trying to find her way out of the house searching for a hidden stairway or trap door her goal. Always wanting to leave. The fear of the father’s eyes upon her whirled through her young mind and nighttime was more than just a nightmare.

Learning how to pass notes in school and get away with it was exciting. Teaching her friends the facts of life brought her a wide audience. But, the end result would not pleasant when her mother found out. For more than twelve years she was Daddy’s special girl and the sexual abuse she endured would leave a permanent mark on her forever. Thinking that her mother would be angry if she knew she was taking her place in her father’s bed, she kept the secret. Things did not change for her at all. Friendships were more intimate and her father’s advances more prevalent. Even her feelings for her mother were not typical as her father filled her head with stories and lies about her mothers’ actions and reasons for not coming home from work. Thinking her mother was going to leave her family and having trysts with truck drivers, she began to drift off into another world of parties, drinking and fun. Learning a lot from boys and even having her father cover for her when she wanted to date certain boys and allowing her a boyfriend if she extended her list of guys she dated, Brinda learns at an early age many facts of life that most girls never should. The angrier she became with her mother the more she drew to her father. Thinking in her own mind that all he wanted to do was make her happy when in reality he was not. But, inviting her to a party with his male friends and what she was expected to do was unthinkable.

Being with many different guys the norm for Brinda and living the life of a prostitute the end result. Her father by her side and explaining what happened they decided to report the incident to the police. But, just who was a fault and why did her father expect her to continue on? Friendships were unusual ones and some more unacceptable to most people than others. Then, something changed for her as she realized she was pregnant. Then she lost it.  But, another followed but so did the death of her brother. But, just whose child it was you will not believe. As time went on her young son Kris became ill and she met a wonderful man and had a daughter. The sorrow of losing another child, keeping what her father had done to her and caring for her daughter took its toll on Brinda. What happens and the final outcome you need to learn for yourself. The author’s voice is heard throughout the memoir. Her understanding of what she went through vividly described. Living a double life and finally realizing that she might get support hopeful. Where is she now and what happened between her and Dennis her daughter’s father? Read: Don’t Cry Daddy’s Here and understand that we need to protect our children and families should not stand by and let things happen and turn a blind eye. The author adds Appendix, A which includes agencies and organizations to help anyone that is a victim of this type of crime. Appendix B includes books written by others that have endured this and resources too. Appendix C is quite original as it contains inspirational quotes. Appendix D Scriptures and finally on the back cover the author and her beautiful face and smile with her amazing biography and much more.

This is a true story. This is one that needed to be told. This is one that all educators, counselors, clergy, family members and parents need to read to learn what happens when one man takes the life of a young girl and manipulates, pretends and justifies his actions with these simple words: each time she cried he said: Don’t Cry Daddy’s Here. Tears, heartache and the strength to find her own way this book gets: FIVE HUGE HUGS!

Let’s dedicate this to Craig, Kris and to anyone who has ever lived through the same things as Brinda.

Fran Lewis : reviewer
Thank you for giving me the honor or reading and reviewing your memoir.

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